We have all been in situations where we see something wrong happening, whether in our families, among friends, or within our communities. Our immediate reaction might be to correct the person, sometimes harshly, sometimes impatiently. But have we ever stopped to ask ourselves: Am I advising the right way? Am I correcting with wisdom, or am I just expressing frustration?
Imam Al-Ghazali beautifully reminds us that commanding good and forbidding evil is a noble duty, but it must be done with the right approach. Gentleness, self-discipline, and sincerity are the key traits required for this responsibility. Otherwise, instead of bringing people closer to Allah, we might push them further away.
Gentleness: The Key to Effective Advice
It’s natural to feel frustrated when we see wrong being committed, but harshness often backfires. Allah Himself reminds the Prophet ﷺ in the Qur’an:
وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
“Had you been cruel or hard-hearted, they would have certainly abandoned you.” (Qur’an 3:159)
Imagine if the Prophet ﷺ, the most perfect of all human beings, had been harsh in his approach. People would have turned away from Islam. Instead, his gentleness, patience, and understanding won hearts. The Prophet ﷺ said:
لَا يَأْمُرُ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلَا يَنْهَى عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ إِلَّا مَنْ كَانَ رَفِيقًا فِيمَا يَأْمُرُ وَرَفِيقًا فِيمَا يَنْهَى
“No one commands good or forbids evil except one who is gentle concerning what he commands and gentle concerning what he forbids.” (Al-Bayhaqi, Ash-Shuʿab 7198)
We must ask ourselves: Are we correcting others with kindness, or are we just venting our anger?
Imagine advising a friend who is neglecting prayer. If you aggressively say, "You never pray! You're going to be punished!" They might feel insulted and resist your words. But if you gently remind them, "I’ve seen how strong you are in faith. I really hope we can motivate each other to pray more consistently," they may respond with an open heart.
Even when Allah sent Prophet Musa (AS) to the worst of tyrants, Pharaoh, He commanded him:
فَقُولَا لَهُ قَوْلًا لَيِّنًا لَعَلَّهُ يَتَذَكَّرُ أَوْ يَخْشَىٰ
“And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].” (Qur’an 20:44)
If such gentleness was required for Pharaoh, how much more should we use it for our fellow brothers and sisters?
Self-Discipline: Leading by Example
Another important lesson Imam Al-Ghazali teaches is that those who advise others must first work on themselves. People listen more to actions than to words. Hasan Al-Basri once said:
إِذَا أَمَرْتَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَكُنْ أَشَدَّ النَّاسِ تَمَسُّكًا بِهِ، وَإِلَّا فَأَنْتَ هَالِكٌ
“If you command good, then be the staunchest in adhering to it. If not, you are destroyed.”
Imagine a person constantly warning others about backbiting but is known for gossiping. Would their words have any weight? People would mock them instead of taking their advice seriously.
However, this does not mean we should stay silent until we are perfect because no one is! The Prophet ﷺ said:
مُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَإِنْ لَمْ تَعْمَلْ بِهِ كُلِّهِ، وَانْهَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَإِنْ لَمْ تَجْتَنِبْهُ كُلَّهُ
“Go ahead and command good, even if you do not practice all of it; and forbid evil, even if you do not avoid all of it.” (Ad-Daylami in Musnad al-Firdaws 6526)
This means that while we should strive to practice what we preach, we should not stop advising others just because we ourselves are still working on improvement. The key is humility, recognizing that we are all on a journey of growth.
Sincerity: Advising for the Sake of Allah, Not Ego
One of the biggest pitfalls of advising others is allowing pride to creep in. Some people correct others not because they genuinely care, but because they want to feel superior. This is dangerous. Imam Al-Ghazali warns:
إِذَا أَسَاءَ العَاصِي إِلَى مَنْ يَنْهَى عَنِ المُنْكَرِ، وَكَانَ ذَلِكَ المَانِعُ سَيِّئَ الخُلُقِ، غَضِبَ لِنَفْسِهِ وَلَيْسَ لِلَّهِ
“If the disobedient person offends the one forbidding evil, and the latter lacks good character, he will grow angry for his own sake rather than for Allah’s.”
This means that when someone reacts negatively to our advice, we should not take it personally or get into an argument. If we are correcting others out of love for Allah, then their response, whether good or bad, should not affect our sincerity. Instead of taking pleasure in correcting others, we should wish that they receive guidance, even if it comes from someone else. Our goal should be their betterment, not our own reputation.
In conclusion, O seeker of truth, advise with gentleness, discipline yourself first, and always check your intentions. We are all struggling to obey Allah fully, so let us guide each other with love and humility.
Next time you see someone making a mistake, ask yourself:
✔️ Am I correcting them with kindness?
✔️ Am I leading by example?
✔️ Am I advising for Allah’s sake, or for my own pride?
May Allah grant us wisdom in guiding others, patience in correcting mistakes, and humility in all our actions. Ameen.